seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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