you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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