miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it fun? or sober?
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