He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
