Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
