At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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