I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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