I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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