You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
