its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
