is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
