You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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