my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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