there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
