She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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