Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
