Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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