You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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