No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Congratulations! We have a period
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
