I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
