I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
