youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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