I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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