On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
