you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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