I accidentally burped into my bong.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
