I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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