i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want is dick and wine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
