awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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