I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
