I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
