She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
