She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
