wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
