Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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