I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
