I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
