Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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