apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
