Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
