Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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