if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
