Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
