Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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