I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
