I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
