Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
