how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
