as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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