you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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