Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
