Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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