no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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