Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
