My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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