when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
