I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
