Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
