I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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