I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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