I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
