My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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