I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bet he comes in French.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
