Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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