my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
