Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
