The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
