it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
40s are totally the cure
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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