dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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